很多学校的课堂作文教学，很难实现对每位同学“面批”，专业老师为学生一对一服务，有针对性地对作文进行逐字逐句修改、举一反三的提升指导。这份好评和信赖，源于评改老师。我们来看看，一篇问题作文是如何经他们之手，提升为一档好文的。任老师，重点高校一线英语教师，承担大学外语教学工作，主讲大学英语读写课程，多次参与大学外语教材编撰，主持并参与多项校级、省级教科研项目，在国家级、省级、校级教学比赛中多次获得优异成绩，发表教科研论文十余篇。担任全国大学生创新创业项目指导教师，具有丰富的四六级及考研英语应试作文批改经验。任老师，重点高校一线英语教师批改样例写作题目Recently, a dead whale was washed ashore on the coast of Italy, with nearly 50 pounds of plastic waste in its stomach. Actually, this was one of a series of cases in which sea mammals have been killed by mistakenly eating too much plastic waste produced by human beings. Plastic pollution has now being generally recognized as a serious environmental problem. However, opinions differ as to how to solve this problem. Some people believe that new laws should be proposed and implemented to regulate people’s use of plastic materials. Others think it is of primary importance to develop technologies that can prevent such kind of pollution. What is your position on this issue, legislation or technology?Write an essay on the above topic and support your view with reasons and specific evidence.英语写作学生作文Solution to the Problem of Plastic Pollution: Legislation or Technology?（赞！作文题目在写作中不可忽略。）When we listen to （用词不当。这里听说了某条消息使用动词词组hear about）the gloomy News. The dead whale （前后衔接不当，句式连贯性差。建议用同为语从句解释说明news：news that a dead whale）was washed ashore on the （话题背景信息介绍不具体，插入地点Italian）coast ,with nearly 50 pounds of plastic waste in its stomach（插入细节信息，强调是人为的。thrown by human beings）. The trouble is worth our to think （worth结构搭配错误。is worth reflecting on）why the whale how to dead（语法错误，why the whale how to dead句式错误，此外dead是形容词不能跟to搭配。修正：has died） and why it's（语法错误，这里应该用名词性物主代词its表示它的）stomach have（语法错误，主谓不一致，这里谓语动词是单数has） a lot of waste. With the development of human society, mankind has gradually mastered the whole earth（信息表达不恰当。修正：mastered the majority of resources on the earth）. Our plastic waste has polluted the land, and the ocean is gradually polluted by our plastic（时态不恰当，应考虑用现在完成时强调对现在的后果。修改：has meanwhile been gradually polluted by our plastic waste）.（信息缺失，在引入自己立场之前，要先将争论双方的观点介绍清楚，这是展开观点辩论的背景根基。 插入：Some people claim that it is necessary to take legislation to restrict the utilization of plastic waste, while others consider technological renovation as the key solution.） As for me, I think the twe（冠词多余、拼写错误。修正：two） point（可数名词变复数： points） must concurrence（表达不当，情态动词must与名词occurrence的搭配语法错误。修正：are supposed to correlate with each other）, one cannot do without the other（删去）. But we must（用词不当。must此类语气较强硬的情态动词不建议在应试作文中频繁使用，建议用are expected to替换更加地道） live on the earth, we can't leave（语义表达缺失，插入without）frash（拼写错误，修正：fresh） air and water, （语法错误，逻辑关系不清楚，逗号不能连接句子。插入and most importantly）we need to make peace with nature. So I just think the legislation and technology need concurrence（表达不太符合英语语言习惯，句式表达过于单一。修正： are playing equally important roles in environmental protections, both of which are deserved to be concerned.）First of all, my view is to cope with this problem through （the approach of）science and technology. Plastic pollution is now recognized as a serious environmental problem.（句式比较单调，缺少变化，时态亦不妥当。修改：The is no denying that white waste now has been acknowledged as a serious environmental problem.） In this regard, I believe that technology should be developed to （so as to）avoid such pollution. Reasons are as follows. First, in fact, China has introduced（用词不当。carried out） many environmental protection policies, but people still pollute the environment. Therefore（赞，注意使用逻辑衔接词，加强文章逻辑关系）, such pollution can（用词不当，建议使用might表示可能） be effectively avoided through science and technology. Second, our country has also made （插入修饰词conscious，增加文章词汇难度）efforts on（这里应该用on doing sth的搭配结构表达具体动作。如on improving） the environment. For example, the journal environment science and technology.（作者考虑用到举例，是值得鼓励的。但是，举例阐述不够详细具体，失去了辅助支撑论证的作用。修改建议：作者需要具体说明这本环保与科技期刊是如何在科技领域帮助改善环境污染问题的。） I believe that in the continuous efforts of the people throughout the country. And the problem of plastic pollution will be cope with.（语法错误，逻辑关系表达混乱。 修正： I believe that continuous efforts from the public throughout the whole country will help solve the problem of plastic pollution）.第二段在观点论证上逻辑不清晰，部分观点论证不清楚。第一段的立场句明确表达出作者是对科技之路和立法途径同时关切的，所以论证部分应该从两个层面清晰地陈列出采用各自解决途径的必要性。显然，本段仅是简略地提及了科技解决塑料污染的观点，对于立法途径鲜有提及，这是本篇文章在论证部分的主要失分点。To sum up, the government should（表达不当，替换为：is supposed to） make laws and encourage technological innovations to protect the whales（偷换概念。本篇文章论证的焦点在于环境保护，而不是保护鲸鱼这一具体概念。修正：protect our environment）.The government will put the policy into place as soon as possible for them to carry out（删去，因为与前面put the policy into place语义表达重复）. In a word，we should protect the whale, （语法错误，逗号不能连接多个动词，插入and）protect the earth, （语法错误，逗号不能连接句子。插入表示因果的衔接词because）it is our common home. （结尾段开头已用To sum up来进行总结，此处再使用in a word会让人产生疑惑。而且在To sum up后作者并未给出总结性的话语，而是提出了对环境保护的建议。在结尾段，建议先总结文字内容，再提出建议，是一种更符合逻辑的写作模式。建议更改为To sum up, we should protect the wale, protect the earth, because it is our common home. Only when the government make laws and encourage technological innovations to protect our environment can we bring our earth to a green homeland.）精雕细琢出佳文点评指导原文评分：65/100（三档文）本篇学生习作属于“马马虎虎”水平，即有基本的写作框架和写作思路，掌握了一定的英文写作语法规则和词汇应用能力，但是语言表达能力和论证思辨能力还处于较低的层次，具体表现：1. 文章结构逻辑性和连贯性较差。文章缺少清晰、连贯的写作结构，论证段和首位段观点有出入，并且不足以支撑主要观点，任务完成度较低。此外，逻辑关系处理地不理想，逻辑衔接词使用不够充分、准确。修改建议：首先作者拿到题目后，需要仔细审题，然后确定写作框架，并根据写作整体结构分段。这里老师列出了本篇作文基本的写作思路建议，供作者参考：Para 1: Introducing the main idea of the news and elaborating opinions of both sides and claiming your personal point of view.Para 2: Stating the significance of legislation in dealing with plastic waste.Para 3: Stating the importance of the technological approach in addressing plastic waste.Para 4: Restating your opinion by summarizing main evidence based the above argument.作者还需要注意在写作过程中即使查看句与句之间的逻辑关系，添加必要的衔接手段。如：表示因果的衔接词because，so，therefore等；表示转折的衔接词however，but，yet，nevertheless等；表示递进的衔接词besides，in addition，what's more，furthermore等。2. 句式表达较单一，缺少灵活性和多样性和地道性。 作者虽然具备了基本的英文写作能力，但是在语言应用上显然还欠缺熟练使用高级句式的水平，具体表现为：简单句较多，缺少复杂高级句式的应用；情态动词can、should、must等词汇构句较多，不太符合英语语言表达的地道性。修改建议： 加强从句，尤其是定语从句的应用。如：the legislation and technology are playing equally important roles in environmental protections, both of which are deserved to be concerned. 此外，情态动词表达过于生硬、绝对，建议用get to、be able to、be supposed to、be expected to等地道表达替换。3. 论据论证不充分。从写作的规范性角度出发，本篇作文在第二段针对立场句的观点陈述有偏颇，部分观点未有明确陈述。第一段的立场句明确表达出作者是对科技之路和立法途径同时关切的，所以论证部分应该从两个层面清晰地陈列出采用各自解决途径的必要性。显然，本段仅是简略地提及了科技解决塑料污染的观点，对于立法途径鲜有提及，这是本篇文章在论证部分的主要失分点。修改建议：作者可分两段分别论证科技解决途径和立法之路的必要性，并分别举例论证，力图做到主要观点有据可依。此外，对于举例论证，作者需要详实论述环保与科技期刊是如何在科技领域帮助改善环境污染问题的，而不是仅仅抛出一个概念。升格范文批改后精修文：92/100（一档文）Solution to the Problem of Plastic Pollution: Legislation or Technology?A piece of appalling news recently has gone virus on social media that a stranded whale was found dead along the Italian coast whose stomach was filled with almost 50 pounds of various plastic waste thrown by human beings. Admittedly, with the rapid development of our society, white pollution, such as medical waste, plastic bags and disposable dishware, has threatened the survival of wildlife, which has now been publicly acknowledged as an urgent issue demanding effective solutions. Some people claim that it is necessary to take legislation to restrict the utilization of plastic waste, while others consider technological renovation as the key solution. As far as I am concerned, I reckon that both effective legislation and technological approaches are supposed to be adopted comprehensively.To begin with, it is imperative to take legislation to restrict overuse of plastic products. As the saying goes, authoritative regulations and laws, being as a sort of tangible hands, could control the market and spending behavior effectively. On one hand, governments might regulate all retail businesses are obliged to provide degradable plastic packages for customers, though it means adding extra cost to both manufacture and consumers. One other hand, it should be written into the law that every citizen is responsible to create an eco-friendly environment and those who throw plastic waste at will should be punishable by a fine. Since 2017, China has banned the import of western plastic waste, which has protected the ecological balance effectively.In addition, the important role that modern technology has been playing shouldn't also be ignored. Since legislation might only reduce the number of plastic waste but cannot eradicate this problem completely, technological renovations will make it possible to create degradable materials like environmentally friendly plastic dishware and packages, which, thus , shall help prevent our environment from being polluted by plastics in the long run. On top of that, scientists are possible to innovate new recycled paper packages or other materials to replace the plastic bag for customers and businesses.To sum up, it is strongly suggested that both legislation and technology should be adopted to address plastic waste, because the former will be effective to reduce the daily plastic utilization but the latter is possible to prevent this problem from the source.批改宗旨为学生提供详实、细致、贴心的语言修改服务，帮助学生短时间内快速找到英文写作症结，并提供高效而准确的语言修改方案，同时帮助学生认识到自身英语写作中存在的语言规则误区、树立正确的语法使用规则、掌握规范的应试写作思路，为在各种语言考试中快速提分奠定良好的应试语言基础。任老师的批改理念1. 文章结构是应试作文评判的根基，阅卷人首先会根据作文整体结构的完整性对文章进行划档。很多学生虽然写作内容丰富，但是因为不了解应试写作的阅卷套路，忽视了结构的划分，经常会出现高质低档的现象。针对此类问题，我们主要会从整体上先帮学生梳理文章结构的主要脉络，然后指出结构中存在的逻辑瑕疵，并给出正确的框架修改意见，帮助写生掌握此类应试作文的写作模式，培养良好的写作思维。2. 文章内容的完成度通常是评判作文档次的另一个宏观因素。高分作文一般的特征是论据详实，论述充分，论据细节完全能够支撑主要观点。低分作文相反存在两大特点：过多的华丽辞藻堆砌，导致文章实际内容空洞；语言能力有限导致论述不充分。针对以上主要内容失分问题，我们致力于为学生提供可操作性强的修改指导，直接给出标准例文，帮助学生快速掌握规范的写作技巧，夯实文章论述内容。3. 规范、准确的句式结构和词汇表达相当于楼房中的砖瓦，是实现写作目的的基石。中国学生受母语影响，在写作中经常会犯一些共性的语言错误。如：主谓不一致、时态应用能力差、双谓语连动错误、逗号连句问题、从句使用掌握不准确等，高级词汇和搭配表达使用欠缺灵活性等。针对以上问题，不仅要求教师在批改过程中指出相关语言错误，还要求给出修改的范例，帮助学生快速掌握、积累正确的语言表达形式，提高写作效率和质量。人工批改
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